Family of teenager killed by train while listening to his iPod urge people to "never wear headphones outside whilst walking, for your own safety." Or you could open your eyes when you cross the rail tracks, it's really your choice

Late for work? Try telling the boss you walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so you had to go inside and shower again. Works every time (with top excuses list)

NYC cop fails cocaine test, claims it's because... *spins wheel*.... "I went down on my girlfriend"

British women are now allowed to orgasm on the television before 11:00 p.m., most still prefer the washing machine

Italy lags in making buildings earthquake-resistant. Seriously, they have this one tower that's almost falling over already

'I was hooked on sunbeds twice a day. Then my skin fell off and I needed chemotherapy'. Darwin waits with bated breath

Helicopter pilot who was filmed receiving a "sex act" from a porn star while flying cannot get his license back. In his defense, it is called the "cockpit" for a reason

"The most powerful people on the Internet don't work for Microsoft, Google or the government. Rather, they're a bunch of antisocial, foul-mouthed, clever nerds"

Man robs bank so his girfriend "won't have to have sex for money any more." She's doing it wrong

		Attention parents: Your child is stupid, not dyslexic
(NBC San Fran)		This just in: college kids are gonna smoke pot on 4/20. Guess what, it's not just one day they're gonna smoke
		Iran is sooooo not seeking nuclear weapons material -- you know, except for that fake Chinese company they are using to transfer that kind of stuff