Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
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Dumb Politicans
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."
Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."
Her response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, "don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada ?"
I said, "No."
She said, "But they look so close on the map."
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time."
6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?"
She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!"
After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."
10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?"
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.
She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"
12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ."
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady.
After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo , do you?"
The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."
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The car victims of the Greek Fires (8 pics)
Land Rover hits a fence (5 pics)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
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Actual Golf Course Phone Calls
Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Submitted by Brian B.
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don’t think any of those times will work for me.
McDonald’s Has A Website For Black People
http://www.365black.com/365black/index.jsp
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Random Nuggets of Knowledge
National costumes at Miss Universe 2009 (50 pics)
If you tossed out a live 120mm tank round in your trash yesterday, Cocoa, Florida police would like a word with you
TV Station's Website thoughtfully includes picture of what a drowning victim might look like
Not news: Russia bans 'extremist material.' Fark: Including Winnie the Pooh
Saturday, August 22, 2009
- Image by Crowcombe Al via Flickr
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, ‘Dat’s dem.’
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
‘Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,’ says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry’s truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, ‘Dis looks like a grand place.’
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, ‘Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook’n dangerous for me!’
THERE’S MORE…
Moment’s later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He’s been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
‘Hi, Paddy, watch dis,’ Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, ‘And I’m never trying dat parrotshooting either!’
IT IS NOT OVER YET…
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He’s also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
‘Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting. .. And now Sean and his fook’n hengliding!’
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10 Things You Should Never Say to a Girl With Huge Boobs
23 Comments
So, I have huge cans (pictured). I've had massive breasts since high school, so they're not that big of a deal to me anymore. But I've also heard every dumbass thing that could possibly be said about them. For some reason, dudes -- from my friends to the sandwich artist assembling my cold-cut trio -- feel like my melons are up for public discussion.Look, treat huge boobs the same way you would any other freakish body anomaly -- like a unibrow or a club foot. If a chick walking by your construction site had one of those, you probably wouldn't think it was appropriate to call it out, would you? So please. Refrain from the following comments on my funbags.
10. "I'm usually not that into giant boobs." Sometimes I think this will be written on my tombstone. I know boyfriends think this is a compliment, but it makes us think that they usually go for girls built like cub scouts. Or actual cub scouts.
9. "How big are they?" Could God make a boob so big that even he cannot lift it? Think about that while you EFF OFF.
8. "I'm sorry, I can't help staring at them." Limited range of motion in the neck can be indicative of a serious medical problem. Like meningitis, or quadriplegia. Both of which render you unfit for make-outs.
Read the top seven things not to say to a girl with huge boobs after the jump.
7. "I'm actually more of a leg man." Really? Great. I prefer a large wang to a dinky one. Hey! I guess we're not right for each other.
6. "Do you have back pain?" Are you trying to be sympathetic, or figure out if I have good prescription painkillers? Either way, I'm not sharing.
5. "I bet your mama gave those to you." Actually, large breasts run on my father's side of the family. Oh, and my father is Butterbean. You f--king creepster.
4. "Are they real?" You also shouldn't ask somebody with a forked tongue if their forked tongue is real. Because you don't know if it's some kind of body mod, or if their mother took Acutane during her pregnancy.
3. "Can I motorboat them?" Only if I can water taxi your nutsack, a-hole.
2. "You should work at Hooters." Look, I have nothing but respect for those servers, but I have a job that doesn't require me to wear nude hose with leather high-tops and bring sides of ranch to divorced dads in a shopping center.
1. "Nice t-ts." Duh. I know.
More Essential Tips for Things You Should Never Say
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Hooters Girl
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Porn Star
10 Things You Should Never Say to Twins
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Tall Woman
10 Things You Should Never Say to an Asian Woman
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Black Woman
Do You Hear Something Honey
Views: 2733 
4 commentsThe Japanese did the biggest fireworks in the world. It requires a huge charge to launch the fireworks - 120 cm diameter and 450kg weight.
It can reach 850 meters high and when exploding it makes an 800-meter diameter.
Inside the post, you will see a manufacture process of the mortar and a video of fireworks launch.
It can reach 850 meters high and when exploding it makes an 800-meter diameter.
Inside the post, you will see a manufacture process of the mortar and a video of fireworks launch.
http://izismile.com/2009/08/21/what_happens_if_an_average_size_girl_puts_victoria_beckham_dress_3_pics.html
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